Here is my first ever EZineArticles submission, somewhat cynically titled 7 Extremely Simple Ways to Fail at Writing an Effective Article.
I posted it back in September, 2009 and it, at this moment has only received 46 views and I’ll bet a lot of those are mine 🙄
I think the 8th simple way to fail at writing an effective article must be by giving it a depressing and uninteresting title 😆
Writing an article is a wonderful way to present your opinion or your solution to an unknown audience who may never actually read it. If your article is not of any interest to anyone in the world then an effective way to find out is to publish it. However, this can be quite a daunting task, especially to a newcomer in the article writing world, who inspired by the many publications already in this field feels that it is now that they need to add their bit, their point of view to the already burgeoning library of opinion that is the World Wide Web. So how can you fail? Here are seven delightfully effective ways.
Don’t Do It!
The first, most important technique to master here is procrastination. This important strategy is guaranteed to help you succeed in not producing anything of value at all, in any endeavor you may choose in life. There are many methods to induce delay that can be used and all are extremely simple and effective. Here is just one of the most useful:
Distraction – is one of the most time-consuming. Especially if you fail to avoid those otherwise boring, but now strangely interesting, movies, serials, or even adverts on the television in the background. Visitors or children are also a brilliant source of interruption if you ensure their presence while you create your masterpiece. Even on the computer monitor you may find superb ways to avoid progress, things like email, internet searches, reading more articles on how to write effective articles, messenger programs popping up mid-sentence and even finding new toolbars to play with. That last one I found was useful in absorbing an incredible amount of time when discovering the SeoQuake toolbar on Firefox, there was so many functions to try out – very useful.
No Idea of the Subject
This is a brilliant way to fail, by not knowing about the topic you are talking about and it is so easily done. By not taking the time to fully research your subject you can create a work of genius of misinformation and uselessness. Helping your prospective reader to waste loads of their vital time in reading the results of your minimal efforts; or worse still actually making a decision based on them. An efficient strategy employed by many a budding website owner in discovering that this article could help them achieve a link to their site. By the way, not having any interest in the article yourself is a brilliant way for inducing that well known procrastination strategy called “writer’s block” – again this saves lots of time by not studying the subject in depth before writing about it.
Make it Uninteresting
Instead of just yourself being disinterested in the subject, why not ensure that any reader would be too. After all, who will actually read your article? Do you think that anyone will be paying attention to your written thoughts? Surely everyone has more interesting lives, preventing them from ever considering your writing of any relevance whatsoever? Perhaps you might consider writing an article about a subject that may not be of any importance to anyone, ever. Surprisingly finding such a subject would be a very difficult task to identify. The theme of any article will be of definite interest to somebody at some time. The best way to fail here is not to pass on anything that would be useful to them and thus promote disinterest.
There are two ways of doing this effectively, both saving you time and effort. The first is cutting and pasting bits of other articles or web content that are tenuously linked to the topic you are writing about and rewriting them. The second is not to read through your article at all to see if it flows or has grammatical mistakes in it. Readability can be removed completely when these techniques are used together at the same time. You never have to think about simple writing techniques like having an introduction, a body that develops or details that introduction and a final conclusion or answer. Why not make it seem like it was created by some deranged robot? In fact this is a common side effect of using automated software that promises you it can spin thousands of versions of the same, probably cut and paste, articles. Yes, failure at readability is assured.
Write in another language
This is useful, as the English language has a rich variety of what can be considered ‘proper’, so why not throw in a few novel sentence structures of your own and avoid normal use of punctuation and capitalisation. Why not make it sound like you are talking in another language so the reader will lose their normal ability for reading effortlessly. They will be struggling instead on the ability of just understanding what on earth you are talking about. A classic method could be by the use of excessively long sentences, join several different ideas into one just for fun. Maybe the annoying use of spilling mistakes is enough. Try turning off or ignoring your spelling checker – EzineArticles has one of these you can pay no attention to when you submit your article.
Ignore the Rules of Submission
This brings me to the final, but most effective, way to fail even if all other methods are ignored. Just plainly totally ignore any rules of submission. After all, they are a nuisance aren’t they? So many rules that will help prevent your article being published. If this doesn’t work however and you manage to get your article published then do at least avoid the terms of service. This can give you plenty of opportunities to hopelessly blame someone else should anything go wrong.
You may find plenty of other ways through trial and error of not writing an effective article and many of the above ways can be extended on.
Which brings me to actually the seventh way – for those who were awake enough to count only six – which is to write an article that doesn’t fit the title? Many people consider the title important, maybe even the abstract on pages where they can be seen. The question you need to ask yourself is does this article fulfill or answer the subject your intended audience will be looking for. If not then well done, you have managed to create another piece of junk to fill the Internet and waste any poor reader’s time. Be reassured that this rubbish will probably be archived away somewhere forever – a little bit of history eternally pointing back to you – the author.
What will your next article say about you?