The safety of science has been a comfortable place to stay – but the machinery exists in a fantastic awe inspiring universe and things beyond science also belong. It is time to be shocked?
I have recently gone through a real shock and it is one that appears to remain as lonely as the cause of the shock. It is as if a mighty explosion took place somewhere that I was part of but nobody noticed. In fact I cannot get anyone to understand the severity of the shock when I tell them about it, it cannot be understood it seems except by me.
The shock came from writing that was a hundred years old at least and seeming like it was something I wrote.
I remember when young reading in a comic book about a writer who was plagiarised by another years before the writing took place. It involved the writer of the past being able to see into the future and copying the words of the forthcoming writer and printing it as his own. This of course meant that the modern day writer wrote his book but was immediately accused of plagiarising a writer of the past.
Well it really felt like that when I read the words in May. First of all a familiar feeling came over me, then an odd familiarity occurred that maybe I was looking at something I did earlier.
But this was something somebody else had written many years ago.
When trying to comprehend this I really wanted proof, but I didn’t have it, my memories of writing something is all that is left. I know that there is very little chance that the writing survived the years, but some things do turn up now and again that surprise and delight me. Unfortunately nothing yet of the kind of thing I am looking for here as proof – even to myself.
The thoughts that were associated with the reading of the book however brought back a torrent of long lost feelings that again are hard to describe. To describe it physically I felt electrified, my hairs stood on end and the feeling went in electrical waves throughout my body, most noticeably on the arms. But I already have that skill and is something I can do at will if I really want to. Then more significantly came the feeling of being safe, secure, as if everything was back in control, that the whole universe apparently was under my control and I really could do whatever I wanted, and I must say that feeling is a really powerful one. Whether true or not, it is a wonderful feeling to have. Then I must say the tears came, I am not sure why, but they came and I felt that should I explore it further I have quite a few to shed to get over things that have occurred.
So how did these two things get connected…
Is there something inherent in our understanding of the universe that brings these things out. Is there a kind of truth within us all that doesn’t require understanding of God or Universe or anything, just the inherent sense of what is, eternally here and now.
Is it a coincidence. Just one of the many things that occur when you have so much information available to you. Of course it is possible that many forms of fantasy can be co-created many times over as we pass through this experience. If I think of this as the cause I am a little annoyed that it took almost thirty years for the coincidence to be noticed.
The troubling thing is that this odd little book, written a hundred years ago by a rather frail looking person with a funny name is actually a big thing to many people around today. I guess I cannot talk about the name, mine in fact is just as funny and is a result of a change, the reason I am still not sure of yet. In fact part of the reason I came across it was because of the publishing of the ideas in The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The book that apparently was part of the influence on her when creating The Secret was the book by Wallace D. Wattles called The Science of Getting Rich. It is only later I realise how big this book is and this has quite an effect on me. You see I dropped all that thinking long ago. It became a worry to me.
I think I started with the idea of a perfect universe and a perfect God and started from there. With the acceptance of perfection around me even though I couldn’t perceive it I tried to work out the elements of what was going on around me. I tired many time to pin the ideas down and understand them completely but got lost often on what I considered to be a conceptual landscape, where in fact all ideas existed and their associations could be explored , the motion being thought. Now this landscape just is. It just exists and nothing changes it. I would guess that it would in some way come perfectly from a source, an ideal, a singularity, the original cause or whatever but miraculously became this complexity that exists, the complexity that is. Now thoughts require time, the are the traversing of these concepts but they are in essence able to be understood by everything and anything in the universe. Beyond language, the ideas are all in existence and can be travelled. Through this everyone understands what is good, what makes sense, what is logical, what is mathematically perfect, etcetera as long as they travel the concepts correctly and perfection can be found. Now the rules that appear to come out from this can be considered fundamental laws of the universe, and the understanding of them can be a fascinating discovery. We have concepts bound together, good and bad, right and wrong, equal and unequal and the laws are loosely bound according to our perception of the universe that we see, feel, hear, touch, smell and many others. I could see many things leading out from this existence and at the time my writing and drawings would flow, it was such an invigorating thing to do. But at time I seemed to be doing it automatically, it just seemed to come fast and thick with information that would take me longer and longer to understand. After a while I was worried that I was in fact producing rubbish, a sort of mental and loosely connected jibberish that meant nothing and certainly not of any use to the world or myself. I missed the fact that it made me feel good.
Religion was quite a task master in many forms and looking into the field where people apparently let themselves go into this area stories of losing control and ending up with devils crawling in and out of the participant was enough to put aside this whole area once and for all. I became a very technically focused person, using only the scientific, the mathematical and the programming paradigm to understand the universe, there was no room for any fantasy. Religion was always there in one form or another, acting like some kind of catch 22 of life.
Something was definitely missing…
I always had inside me that I would do something wonderful. Something that I would only share with my nearest but something that was very powerful. I imagined maybe that I would conquer death, that forever remove the barriers for the living and the dead, or that I would achieve some kind of immortality and forever be able to travel the universe appreciating the wonders of it in one form or another. The euphoria of it would come out in either the highest ideals I could think of or the most fantastic and effective imaginings that I could do.
Now admittedly not a sensible kind of thought that I would comfortably let on to those around me but I guess here I often felt after the madness of it.
But what has happened here is quite significant. I am becoming more aware of a whole load of people with closer thoughts than I imagined. They have been around a long time and seem to have a connection way back through history and before.
My life is absolutely the opposite of any of this thought…
… I am beginning to wonder what I have done to cause this
…or whether it could be perfectly engineered by myself to have caused this
…everything seems to possibly have meaning again
What I do know now. Reading through and listening to what Wallace actually wrote that it wasn’t complete by any means. There is a level of understanding missing, something to discover within the concepts themselves before it all comes together. It is like the understanding of fire, being used and performing things but not the true understanding of what fire is.
Before oxidising, before the transfers of energy and going back to the original concepts that are fuelling everything that is, back to the source…
Without this understanding then it can feel inappropriate imagining everything into existence, or manifesting as I see it called, there are certain things that do not light up when the fire is placed on them and you do need to understand why.
I am pleased that already the refocusing of myself with who I am since – shall I say – going back to this journey has given me the strength to get rid of one of the most annoying problems I have had in my life that has caused me so many problems. The addiction to smoking. I stopped on June 10th and know that I do not need to smoke any more. I am certainly not going to prevent the experience of having one ever again but I have challenged the addiction. Having to deal with this as I go forward is helping me learn what challenges you have in the mind when dealing with such a big change and is making me a lot stronger.
My focus is something that I have always seemed to have in mind but not had the elements for, that is ‘to be all you can be’. I will try to understand what that means as time goes by and work it through.
I am going to find out what this all means. In fact I feel strongly that in some sense I already know. I just need to take a little more of the journey to understand a few things that were put there… but it is going to be wonderful… a great journey…